2018 has been another challenging year. No doubt. Its 365 days never stop surprising me. So what did I learn.

1. Loneliness

I'm not saying I'm alone as if I got no friend at all. Somehow, having more people around me making me lonelier. As if, no one is listening or maybe I'm not the who doesnt not want to open up. But, well, I once came across someone's tweet, that I found out quite amusing. That I'm not the only one having the same problem. Which is to not knowing how to open up. I know what my problem is but the words couldnt come out. And even if I did, no one could understand how I actually feel. That is the truth though. No one knows what one is facing except oneself. So, I ended up keeping it to myself eventhough i wanted reaaallyy bad to spit them out, to lighten myself up. But I am afraid of crying. I'm afraid that I might get too weak and the tears will fall down. Yes. I hate crying. No matter how many people said, it's okay to cry, I still hate it. Not because it makes me weak but it's just i dont like it. I dont know why.

2. Envy and jealousy

Yes. I know those are like the poisons to your heart. They make you to hate those people. They make you to curse them. They make you to hope for sth bad happening to them. They make to want others to hate them too. I felt that. This year. And it makes me a bad person. Like I'm the villain in a movie. Hating the hero for being too nice, too good-looking, too clever, too close to a perfection. How did I handle them? Went further away from those people who make you to become jealous. Because I found out that there's no other way. I am so close to those people. And no matter how nice they treat me, I always thought bad things about them  in my mind. I'm not a good friend, indeed. What kind of friend who are jealous with their own good friend? But there's a down-side to it, those people might think that you hate them. Which is actually partially true. I dont hate them. I like their companies. But sometimes, those evil thoughts came. So, I distant myself from those people for awhile. And after that, I got better. I kind of miss them. Our laughter and craziness and the stuffs we did together. Maybe it's true that losing someone you love makes you to appreciate them more. So, I bet no one will read this, but if those people did. I just want you to know, sometimes I act differently. But not because you guys did sth bad or fault. It is just me. I just need some time to mend myself. To reboot. To reset. And I am deeply sorry for thinking bad about you. I shouldnt. You guys are too nice for me. I honestly dont deserve you.

2019. I hope for better days and better life. I cant wait for what's waiting. Wait! I am already in 2019 while writing this. HAHAHAHA! I hope the quirk still lives. I want it to stay. I never want to stop being crazy. Being a quirk eases the pain and the loneliness and the stress. Stay quirk!